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Yes, the middle-aged ladies, wearing garments that quite possibly have been  borrowed off the set of Scheherazade, are indeed there to “hook up.” The band is really playing live music on two balalaikas, and the vodka is truly infused on premises. Why? Because Russians don’t mess around!

Filled with loud immigrant crowds, theatre-goers who look slightly lost, and occasional banker or two from midtown offices, the Samovar has never failed me in being exceptionally fun. The clientele is generally rowdy. The staff, while appearing disgruntled at all times, is genuinely nice, especially to regulars. At any point in time there is a birthday celebration for some aging Russian family member, and while it might look like a scene from Godfather, it’s actually just another friendly reunion.

On weekends, the strangely outfitted ladies and the musicians turn the Samovar into an old-school party zone. When the balalaika players and the fiddlers go wild, beware of the lovely but persistent aging Russian men. They loom around the piano area and usually approach girls with questions like, “Are you Russian?” Notwithstanding what the answer might be, the next line is always - “Well you are beautiful like a Russian, let’s dance.” If that’s not a cue for a swift bathroom retreat, tell me what is. Sometimes escape is impossible – then take note – aging Russian men are usually really good dancers and are completely harmless, unless drunk.

And there are plenty of options for getting drunk at the Samovar. There are over 20 infused vodka flavors ranging from fruity girl favorites like peach to drunken boy pleasers like garlic. Plum and ashberry being traditional Russian infusions, those are my preferred flavors. Unfortunately, ashberry wasn’t in season when I attempted to order it – fall or winter are best for ordering this very common Russian berry so rarely found in the US – but the plum was truly great. Of course you can’t go wrong with cranberry. And remember this is not your well-vodka-mixed-with-Sunkist-fruit-punch-cape-coder type deal. This is high quality vodka infused with real cranberries! Horseradish and pepper are the other two very Russian flavors, though delicious, they are not for an inexperienced vodka drinker. Actually, none of the vodkas here are. The infusions are so smooth and tasty that people get smashed on mere three shots and that’s when the troublemaking begins. Just remember to never say no to a drink offering from a Russian, even if you might end up having to pay for his bill.

Bills at the Samovar can be heavy. A single shot of vodka will cost $5, so it’s best to share a carafe- about 4-4.5 shots - for $16. There are also larger carafes and bottles that come in 500ml (sorry the English units) and 1L sizes. Translation for gringos: two cups, one quart; the later will cost about $80, unless you know a sweet Russian girl like me who will talk it down to $65 with the owner. For wild drinking, in one-quart dimensions, it’s best to come here with a large group and either taste the vodkas – 5 different flavor shots for $20 - or order the large bottle. Samovar food is extremely delicious, made in the best Russian tradition of blending spices, fat, and sour cream into every dish on the menu. The fish cuts appetizer is possibly the greatest, but, when drunk, you will be quite safe and satisfied with the eggplant caviar.

Overall, Samovar has become one of my favorites, and even though going often is too pricey, who knows, I might be there in ten years, by the piano, dressed in some version of Russian drag.

Address
256 W. 52nd St.
New York, NY
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