“Tourists, beware!”- should be the mantra of this establishment. A hungover Pest dweller can appreciate the thick mushroom goulash and a hefty portion of the desert curiously dubbed “dumps with poppy,” but an unsuspecting city guest in search of gastronomic pleasure is likely to end up with gastritis cramps instead. Kitchen closes at 8pm, we were told, and I would like to know when it opens, especially on a Sunday, when I am most likely to require a helping of dumps, with or without poppies.

Even the promise of dining at a table of former Trotsky sightings could not make us bear the wait to be seated at Vienna’s historic Café Central. We headed for it’s tiny offspring just up the street to have delicious strudel and mélanges. Perhaps smaller and less grandiose, the Café Central confectionary has much more to offer than just powdered doughnuts.

In my last minute attempts to enjoy the culinary treasures of Budapest I took J to this small and fun place in the Erzbetvaros. I’ve been to Stone Soup before and every visit makes a precedent for coming back. We had the homey eggplant pate that reminds me so much of the Russian style eggplant “caviar” and to supplement my fried camembert I ordered something attractively titled “potatoes in seeds.” J kept her pallet seedless but her dish was equally tasty. Keldeves gets points not only for fantastic, creative and varying vegetarian friendly recipes but also for staff niceness.

I went back to take photos of the delicious food and lost my camera! So the photo of the funky decor is taken from the restaurant’s equally funky website.

Even after our successful battle with the striking Hungarian railways and arriving to Vienna by Eruolines bus, failures awaited us. Our attempts to follow the footsteps of every Vienna Lonely Planet reader proved futile when starved, we arrived at a very closed Zum Alten Fassl. Supposedly a home to the best schnitzel in Vienna, the restaurant was possibly on a winter or vacation schedule. Traumatized and still hungry we wondered a couple of blocks up Margareten Strasse and stopped at a restaurant promising us bohemian and old beisl delights. As a miracle would have it, the place also offered the delicious dark Kozel beer that I hadn’t seen anywhere since departing Prague this summer. N had her much desired schnitzel, curiously fried into a coating of shredded potatoes and looking strangely like the potato pancakes that I make at home. I had a fish dish, that was semi good and semi healthy, but what made the food consumption experience ever so pleasant for me was the generous serving of lightly pickled cabbage.

At night, following the Lonely Planet again, we arrived at a not yet open Elektro Gonner. Our urge for beer brought us to the Gonner’s less pretentious neighbor – Kantine M 101. There, I got an opportunity to shine in my broken German and ask the waitress if the dish we picked as an appetizer was meatless. The short answer, and the part that I most clearly understood, was yes and we ended up eating delicious bread covered with melted brie, dipping the pieces into gooseberry jam. Overall, yay to off the beaten path Viennese food, but man, all those miles I’ve been running around Pest had to be doubled in order to conduct damage control on the flab.

M&M’s last hurray in Budapest was celebrated at this apparently truly Italian eatery. We had meaty and non-meaty appetizers but sadly our side vegetables were served before our meal and consumed rapidly. The main course – two kinds of fish, which were identified by our own Italian as “ugly and very tasty” and “big and flaky” – was devoured. We did make the waiter come and show us the ugly fish before it was cooked. Ugly indeed. Wine flowed and suspiciously whorish looking patrons celebrated something at the table next to ours. The Italian owner came to say hello but I was advised not to utter another word after hello. I was told that Italian hospitality of that particular specimen, despite its warmth, can be time consuming. The dinner was wonderful but bitter sweet as the M&M clan left the next morning.